"Rougannu", or "Japland Has Some Splainin' To Do"

Let me begin by saying that I am not an anime hater. I'm just not a fan. There are a couple anime that are near and dear to my heart, such as Cowboy Bebop and, to a lesser extent, Samurai Champloo.

That said, let's get right into my rant.

In an act comparable to Pearl Harbor 2: Electric Animugaloo, the Japanese have gleefully ruined one of the most iconic of American superheroes. Now, this really doesn't sound all that bad at first. They've done similar things in the past. Who can forget, for example, the Tokusatsu Henshin Giant Robot Spider-Man show from back in the day, in which Spider would summon his mechanized battlesuit Leopardon (yes, Leopardon. Somehow the Japanese connect Spider-Man with leopards, I guess. At least, I think it was Leopardon. Could've been Leperdon. I think it might've launched its body parts at Spidey's enemies, so Leperdon could be it) to fight giant-sized alien-things? And to be honest, Americans have done some pretty fucky things to Japanese franchises, too. Saban Moon, Godzilla, and Doozy Bots come to mind. But really, all that pales in comparison to this travesty.

I chose the word "travesty" very carefully for this purpose. You see, "travesty" shares a common root with "transvestite", and a somewhat more pejorative term for "transvestite" is "ladyboy".

And "ladyboy" just so happens to be the best way of describing the character design that Del Rey Manga has come up with for Wolverine in their upcoming alternate-universe X-Men comic.

Yes, Captain Manly himself, Mr. I Got Hit In The Face With A Nuke But I Got Better, has been transformed into what white kids who wish they were Asian like to call a "bishonen".



Look at that. Look at it! It seems that Logan's muttonchops, sensing how awful the design would be, fled from the project in mortal terror! And his biceps followed suit! How is he going to fight on his several thousand X-teams if he's too busy binging and purging? Who told Del Rey that this was a good idea? Did nobody learn from "Mangaverse"? I have questions up to here and I'm not going anywhere until they're answered!

...

Not that I planned to get out of my chair anyway. 'S comfy.


Anyhoo, there's more to be written. This new X-Men comic? It's a "shojo manga". They said it was gonna be like (I'm not making this shit up) "X-Men Meets Fruits Basket or Ouran High School Host Club", and that their version of the Xavier Institute was an all-boys school. Except for Kitty Pryde, who's in there for no discernible reason that I'd care to think about. I guess Jean Grey and Mystique fit in here somewhere, too, because they've got new designs as well.
Both of them are generic "shojo" women with swollen eyes and elongated bodies that make them appear to be victims of rack torture. And the whole thing is going to be a comedy-drama. Great. Can't wait to see chibi Magneto.

So, let's recap.

-All-boys Xavier Institute, with "pretty" Wolverine. I'm guessing some shit's gonna go down here that'll put Ulti Colossus to shame.


-One girl. Shadowcat. Who probably has a penis or something, because this is Japanese and she's going to an all-boys school.


-Comedy. Probably of the slapstick and/or facefault variety. The kind that's not really that funny.



You know what? Let's bring Superman over here from the DC Universe to show Del Rey Manga what for.





EDIT- Found out that the last half (the bits that aren't the character designs) is the fault of weeaboos, not authentic Japanese acid-droppers. Which makes it either worse or better, but I'm not quite certain which.